A Lamp To My Feet
“Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.”
Psalm 119:105 (NIV)
In February 2001, my favorite author, Elisabeth Elliot, was the featured speaker at our church's weekend women's event. At that time, our children were ages 11, 9, 6 and 3. Life was very busy, especially with James Bruce's special needs and limitations. Each child was in a different school, and we had no carpool. That meant four drop-offs and four pick-ups, same time, different places. My husband was coaching two high school sports and often left home early and came home late. I juggled my part time job as a hospital pharmacist, with the demands of raising our family and running our household. There were, of course, after school activities for the older children: piano, dance, athletics, and homework. I was constantly harried, hurried, and worried because there was never enough time, energy, money, or sleep.
Hoping to gain at least one gold nugget of help, hope, or encouragement, I attended the women's conference. John Maxwell defines encouragement as "oxygen to the soul." And, oh, how my weary soul needed some oxygen! I wasn't prepared for the disappointment that followed. I sat through each of Elisabeth Elliot's sessions waiting on my gold nugget. Nothing came. My anxiety level, frustration, and disappointment grew with each session. Finally, I desperately prayed, "God, please send a gold nugget. Just one. Please!"
Elliot’s last session initially ended without a gold nugget. Almost as an afterthought, however, the organizers allowed a brief question and answer session with Elliot. Elisabeth flipped through some index cards before selecting one that asked, "How do you know God's will for your life?"
Sitting on the edge of my chair, I eagerly anticipated her answer.
"That's easy," Elisabeth responded. "You do your next thing."
Stunned by her abruptness that, quite honestly, bordered on rudeness or dismissal, I fumed, fretted, and quickly gathered my things to go home. Just about that time, however, Elliot pulled the card back out and continued her answer. "Actually, you discipline your emotions and do your next thing, whatever it is. God says that His Word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. A lamp gives us light for our very next step, whatever it is. If it's changing a dirty diaper, that's God's will for your life. If it's cooking supper, that's God's will for your life. God doesn't give us freeway light to see to the end of our journey. He gives us just enough light for our very next step."
With her words I received TWO gold nuggets of help and hope. “Discipline your emotions and do your next thing" became my personal mantra for raising my children. No matter the task -cooking supper, helping with homework, sending a child to college, losing a parent, planning a child's wedding, or speaking at a women's event- “discipline your emotions and do your next thing” has served me well the last twenty years whether it was raising my children or choosing which ministry opportunities to pursue. Trusting God’s Word to provide enough light for just my next step helps me focus on the immediate, not future, needs or opportunities. Light revealed brings more light, as we step out in faith and obedience to God’s leading.
One of my first thoughts when James Bruce died was that I was no longer a special needs Mom. Honestly part of my identity died with him. But God has since shown me that I will always be James Bruce’s Mom and a special needs parent. He continues to give me opportunities to share our story for His glory in ways that I could never have imagined all those years ago. A summer talk to a women’s business group led to a one-on-one talk with a special needs mom of a preschooler. That conversation led to the Ordained or Allowed? blog post that then led to Jill Sullivan’s request for a podcast interview to discuss James Bruce’s life and death. Jill is the Executive Director of While We’re Waiting, a national grief support group for parents who have lost a child. You can find the first part of that interview here.
Sometimes I wish it was a different story, but it is the story that God has given me, not just to tell, but to live. It is truly “our story for God’s glory.” The story not just of a special needs child and his desperate Mama, but of the sovereign and faithful God who gives us light for our very next step.