Celebrating and Remembering James Bruce
“I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places.”
Isaiah 45:3 (NASB)
Sunday was a day for celebrating several Evans/Hamblen birthdays and remembering James Bruce. We have six Evans family members’ birthdays between January 21 and February 9. James Bruce’s birthday was one of them. Brucie loved birthdays, especially his own! February 12 was also the first-year anniversary of his death.
Truthfully, the last two weeks have been hard emotionally as we navigated the last two of this year’s sorrowful “firsts.” Author Tim Challies writing in his excellent book Seasons of Sorrow describes the anniversary of his own son’s death as, “the final first” in a year of firsts. Challies writes, “We were told that this year would be the most difficult of all because it would be the year of so many firsts…each with its fresh sorrow.”
February 1, James Bruce’s birthday; February 8, my birthday; and February 12, James Bruce’s death date were all “firsts” and fresh sorrows for us.
James Bruce’s birthday in 2021 at Rainbow Omega
James Bruce’s birthdays have always been hard for me. Each one was bittersweet as we celebrated his life, but grieved all the losses that intellectual disability, autism, and seizures brought. His 2022 February 1 birthday was no exception. It was James Bruce’s first birthday away from us since he began living at Rainbow Omega, his Christian group home for adults with intellectual disabilities. Covid lockdown protocols prevented us from visiting him or James Bruce from visiting us. But Julie, a kind Rainbow Omega staff member, made sure that James Bruce had a birthday cake and pizza party; colorful decorations; wrapped presents; and photos for his Mama! The look on James Bruce’s face that day was pure joy and I wept at Julie’s kindness and God’s goodness. Twelve days later he was gone. He had a massive seizure in his sleep and never woke up.
February 12, 2022 left us with our final “first” in our year of firsts. I ordered memorial flowers for our church altar in recognition of both James Bruce’s life and death. Our daughter Meredith offered to host a family meal following our church services so that we could celebrate our birthdays and remember James Bruce. I ordered a birthday cake that read “Happy Birthday Evans” and we literally sang “Happy Birthday to us!” Daniel, Caroline, Olivia, and I took turns blowing out birthday candles. We missed James Bruce, of course, and Mimi (Bruce’s Mom) had Covid and couldn’t come. We took a family photo; told some favorite James Bruce stories; and enjoyed being together. I knew many folks were praying for us when we had more laughter than tears.
This last year has been difficult in so many ways, but there have been God-given treasures of darkness along the way. Treasures of darkness are those hard truths that God teaches us in our suffering, grief, and loss that are seldom learned in the lighter, easier seasons of life. Much like the diamonds found deep within the earth, treasures of darkness are hidden gems that are worth fighting for and finding.
James Bruce was five years old in 1989 when I read and marked Isaiah 45:3 as a prayer verse for our special needs parenting journey.
“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 (NASB)
This year has been filled with many treasures of our darkness. We’ve experienced the kindness, generosity, comfort, prayers, and encouragement that so many have extended to us, not just following James Bruce’s death, but throughout the year. Gratitude has been one of the biggest treasures of 2022. Bruce and I are so very grateful for the privilege of being James Bruce’s parents and for the countless ways that God used him in our lives. But God didn’t just use him in our lives; God used James Bruce in others’ lives too. One friend recently told me, “He changed the way we prayed,” Indeed, he did!
My most valuable treasure from this year’s darkness of sorrow and grief, however, has been an increased assurance of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Someone once asked me what I had learned as a special needs mom. I quickly answered:
God is sovereign; (2 Samuel 7:28)
God is faithful; (1 Corinthians 1:9)
God is able (Ephesians 3:20) and
Acceptance brings peace. (Elisabeth Elliot)
Those realities are timeless truths, but Bruce and I have experienced each of them on a much deeper level this year. And so we will, by faith, take comfort from Job’s words and proclaim, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21 (ESV)