Celebrating Mama
“Her children rise and bless her...give her
the reward she has earned and let her works
bring her praise at the city gate.”
Proverbs 31:28a, 31(NIV)
"Grateful."
Before my eyes opened this morning, "grateful" was the first word I heard in my heart and soul. Except for Meredith's wedding and perhaps my own, I don't think I've ever experienced such gratitude, joy, and celebration in one day. Mama's celebration of life service was truly that, one that honored her life, and love, and faithfulness. More than that, however, Mama's service honored the God whom she loved. Her beloved Hunter Street Baptist Church outdid themselves honoring Mama and serving us. That love and care wasn't just from the two pastors who led the worship service - and make no mistake, it WAS a worship service. The administrative staff, kitchen staff, AV and music folks, all the way down to the church receptionist showed us the "Baptist way" as they called it. They sent Mama home in style.
Mama had planned- and paid for -everything years ago. We all stuck to Mama's script and it was a good one. Mama would have loved it. Our only deviation from her script was on Hunter Street's part. At the last minute Pastor Buddy Gray asked if he could insert a one minute video clip that the church had made about four years ago when Mama became the oldest continuing active member of the church (69 years!!). We quickly agreed. Mama speaking at her own funeral service was such a tender gift of God's grace for us, especially since she eventually lost all of her words. We heard her voice and saw her bright eyes one last time. It had been months since we had heard her "real" voice and not just random words. My eyes brimmed, but didn't spill, tears of joy. Mama finished well and so did we. I remembered the words from Hebrews: "by faith, she still speaks, even though she is dead." Hebrews 11:4 NIV
Last Thursday when my sister, brother and I met with the pastoral team, Pastor Buddy Gray asked us which one of us would be speaking for our family. We all looked at each other and shook our heads as we responded, "None of us." It wasn't in Mama's script and we stuck to Mama's plan. I'm so glad that we did. Instead we just talked with the pastors about Mama, answered some questions, and each told a story or two about Mama. My sister Jan jokingly said, "I bet you have your own stories about our Mama!" None of us had any doubt about that.
Here are some of the questions and answers that were used by Pastor Gray to craft Mama's service:
What were some of your Mama's favorite Scripture passages? Psalm 23, Psalm 46, John 14, Pastor Gray's sermon for Mama's service was from Psalm 23. Mama helped me memorize it when I was nine years old. She eventually lost all of her own memorized words except the last word of each of the Psalm's lines.
What one word first comes to mind when you think of your Mama Bodacious (My sister meant it as a word for larger than life, but the definition is actually admirable, excellent.
Strength (me) - Mama was not a strong woman, but she was certainly a woman of strength. There's a world of difference!
Hospitality (my brother) - making people feel welcome, wanted, and worth the trouble- feeding crowds at family reunions, hosting church gatherings at the lake, or serving at Wednesday night suppers at the church
Faithful - all of us landed on that word
Feisty - Hospice's word for Mama and one that fit her to a "T"
Woman of the Word - not just a woman of the Bible, though she was certainly that, but a woman of the written word. Her card ministry, prompt and thoughtful thank you notes, love of books and reading instilled in us from an early age all testified to Mama's love for and use of words. That is part of what made her dementia so difficult for us because Mama lost her words. Ironically, Mama didn't lose God's Word carried in her soul until just a few weeks before her death.
What were some of your Mama's favorite songs? We sang How Great Thou Art and Victory in Jesus during the service. Mama wanted my niece to sing Serenaded by Angels and we had Amazing Grace played by a violinist at the graveside.
What are some of your Mama's favorite sayings or maxims that you remember? "Blood is thicker than water" - Boy, we saw that in action as my cousins traveled from at least 6 other states and four of Mama's eight grandchildren arrived from New York, Minnesota, Ohio, and Virginia.
"Can't never could" - that was a favorite Mama-ism when we would complain "I can't!" Mama would always respond, "Can't never could!" She who lived through the Great Depression, World War II, steelworkers layoffs that sometimes lasted two years, and five years of infertility. The woman had earned her right to confront and challenge our fear of failure and all too eagerness to give up.
"Read a book and you can go anywhere in the world" - Mama was a woman of the written word.
There were too many stories to share here, but one of my favorites was from Mama and Daddy's early days of marriage. They married in 1949 and soon joined Hunter Street Baptist. They only had one car and Daddy needed it for work. As a new hire at U.S.Steel, Daddy often had to work on Sundays. They lived in a tiny apartment close to the Birmingham Airport. Determined not to miss church, Mama took a bus by herself all the way across town each Sunday to attend Hunter Street. After the services, she took a bus home. I still marvel at her resolve, commitment, determination, and "can do" attitude. Eventually she and Daddy moved closer to the church and acquired a second car. Logistics were much easier, but her resolve never weakened.
This morning I filled up pages of my journal with things for which I'm grateful: the long prayed for rain- showers of blessing that we hadn't had for over a month; the skies that cleared just as we buried Mama; the family and friends who traveled, and came to give us the Gift of Presence; the food, flowers, memorials, cards and calls. All of it bore witness to a life well lived and well loved.
"Grace, thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo.(Ann Voskamp)
Thank you God for Mama who lived and loved You and Your people faithfully. May all of us have a fixed hope, a firm stand, and a faithful finish for Your Glory.