Dealing with Loss and Grief:3 P's
“We do not…grieve as the rest
of the world who have no hope.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (NIV)
They say a picture is worth a thousand words and this week’s Bible Bits post probably contains more photos than text, but I wanted to do a recap of a recent women’s retreat.
Two weeks ago I was privileged to be a small part of the Big Oak Ranch (BOR) House Moms’ Retreat held on the scenic WorldSong campus in Cook Springs, Alabama and hosted by members of the Big Oak Ranch Auxiliary (BORA). Twenty-one of the twenty-four BOR House Moms and dozens of Auxiliary volunteers were able to participate in the three-day event.
Our retreat theme was God’s Sovereignty in Our Suffering, a topic that I’ve written and spoken on extensively since James Bruce’s death three years ago. God is sovereign. He reigns and rules, but God never leaves us alone in our suffering. He who promised to never leave or forsake us (Matthew 28:20) is with us as we suffer, for He himself is the Suffering Sovereign. Robert J. Morgan writes, “God’s presence in the trial is better than exemption from the trial.”
Besides his presence in our suffering, all those in Christ also have the hope of God’s promises; the hope of the resurrection; and the hope of glory. Biblical hope is not wishful thinking; it is a confident faith that looks and leans forward trusting God’s promises.
Admittedly, God’s sovereignty and our suffering are pretty heavy topics for a women’s retreat. Our retreat hosts, however, made sure we had plenty of downtime to enjoy some team building and outside activities that required cooperation and creativity. We also enjoyed a fun aromatherapy session, an optional zip line course, and lots of board games. Throw in an abundance of great food; gorgeous flowers; a cozy fire; personalized pottery mugs; and lots of laughter and more than a few tears and you have a recipe for a memorable and successful retreat.
Our Bible study time focused on four of first six chapters in the book of Daniel. God’s sovereignty in Daniel’s suffering is on full display as He gives Israel over to exile and captivity for the next seventy years. Kings, kingdoms, and nations come and go during that period, but Daniel remains faithfully standing and serving, not just pagan kings, but the King of Kings.
The BOR Moms deal with a lot of loss as they parent, not only their biological kids, but also children who come to the Ranch due to abuse, abandonment, neglect, or death of a parent. At one point in our discussion I asked, “How do you handle loss and grief?” There were a variety of responses, but one Mom’s response stood out to me.
“I have my 3 Ps: pray, purge, and prepare!” she replied quickly.
I’ve thought a lot about those 3 P’s over the last two weeks. Certainly, I’ve prayed a lot since James Bruce’s death. Three weeks after he died, I purged his clothes and most of his stuffed animals by donating them to a local ministry. But we received hundreds of sympathy cards that I just couldn’t part with because senders had taken the time to include handwritten condolences with reflections on how James Bruce’s life had impacted theirs. I promised myself at the time that I would re-read those cards later, stored them in a tote, and put them in the back of a little used closet.
Remembering my friend’s 3P’s, I attacked both my closet and the card tote last Saturday. It took all day and truthfully, I haven’t finished re-reading all of our cards. But I made significant progress, shed a few tears, and wound up with not just a clean closet, but a grateful heart for God’s grace and faithfulness in both James Bruce’s life and death.
They say that grief is a process and you don’t get over it, but you get through it. One of our church pastors reminded me early on in this journey that there also isn’t a timetable for how soon you arrive on the other side of grief. For now, I’m focusing on the preparation aspect of my friend’s 3Ps. My speaking and teaching schedules are pretty full through September. I am preparing to teach plenty of Scripture and share many James Bruce stories for God’s glory. Bruce and I continue to be amazed at how God answered our prayer from 36 years ago, “Lord, use James Bruce for your glory!”
In both life and death, great is His faithfulness!