Encouragement: Oxygen to Our Souls
“Encourage one another and build each other up.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
Friday night was Moms’ Night at Vestavia Hills High School (VHHS), the school where my husband Bruce taught and coached as an assistant football coach for 31 years and where our oldest son Robert is now the head football coach.
Robert called last week and said, “Mom, I need a favor.”
“What kind of favor?” I replied hesitatingly.
“We’re having a players’ Mom’s dinner at the school Friday night. The Moms will go to the auditorium and you’ll have 15-20 minutes to encourage them. Then we’ll show a short video; the players will serve their Moms dinner; and everyone will go to the stadium for a night practice.”
I was surprised by Robert’s request and needed to make sure I clearly understood my task. Most of the time when folks ask me to speak, they provide the topic, and I develop my talk around their topic.
“Robert, I’ll be glad to talk to the Moms, but what do you want me to say?”
“Just say something to encourage them,” Robert replied. “You have a unique perspective. You were a Vestavia coach’s wife and had two sons play football for Vestavia. You’ll think of something.”
I hung up the phone and remembered John Maxwell’s great quote:
“Encouragement is the oxygen to the soul.”
Since his hire, Robert’s mantra to the players, parents, staff, and community has been “Build with the end in mind.” Ride through our community and you’ll see “BUILD It” signs in the players’ yards.
The Bible actually has a lot to say about building. The word “build” is used over 300 times in the Bible. Noah built an ark; Solomon built a temple; Nehemiah built walls and Christ builds his Church. Proverbs 14:1 instructs us to build with Solomon’s words: “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears hers down with her own hands.”
As parents the critical question we must ask ourselves every day is: “Am I building or am I tearing down?” Our second question is just as important: How do I build?
Biblically we build effectively with 5 A’s:
Acceptance – We accept our children’s limitations.
Affirmation – We affirm their worth and value.
Affection – We demonstrate affection.
Availability – We are available to listen, love and pray with and for them.
Accessibility – We aren’t always scrolling, texting, or multi-tasking; we are attentive.
All of us build or tear down with our actions, attitudes, and, most of all, our words. As a Mom, I could work for three weeks to build something positive into my teenager’s life and tear it all down in 15 seconds with a rotten or careless word (Ephesians 4:29).
Three building strategies helped me as an athlete’s mom:
Feeding– One thing you can count on with teenage boys is this: “If you feed them, they will come!” For both football games and baseball state championship playoffs, our home was host for a pre-game meal for Robert’s closest group of 5-6 player friends. We had the same menu every week: chicken fingers, baked potatoes with sour cream and Bacos (Robert’s favorite), nachos with cheese, Gator Ade, and chocolate chip cookies. As long as we were winning, the boys didn’t want to change our menu. We won one football and three state baseball championships with the same menu.
Hugging - Everybody got a hug before they left. The boys initially resisted a bit, but they needed a hug and I did too!
Praying – I found asking one question somehow disarmed or softened stout teenage defenses. “How can I best pray for you?” Usually the boys’ answers were something other than praying for a win. Typical responses included “that I don’t get hurt” or “I don’t mess up.” Nobody wanted to be the one to let the team down.
No talk on encouragement would be complete without a warning to recognize the five triggers of discouragement found in 1 Kings 19:
Fear
Fatigue
Failure
Frustration
Loss of Focus
In athletics the highs are so high, and the lows are so low. Identifying the root cause for someone’s discouragement is crucial to dealing with it.
Athletics provides an opportunity for learning many valuable life lessons. Hard work, setting goals, persevering, teamwork, dealing with disappointment, and overcoming adversity are just a few. By far, however, the most important aspect for most players and coaches are not the wins and losses, but the relationships that are formed and forged in the fire of building. That principle is also true for families that are built to last.
I’m not sure how much my words encouraged those Moms, but I’m positive the 7-minute video of their sons saying, “Thanks Mom!” accomplished its mission.
“Thank you for feeding me!”
“Thank you for doing my laundry!”
“Thank you for driving me!”
Encouragement was indeed oxygen to our souls.
And my final word to these precious Moms? Enjoy the journey! This season will go fast and your sons will soon be gone. Build with the end in mind!