Finding My People
“Serve one another”
Galatians 5:13 (NIV)
I recently read a glowing book review for Jennie Allen’s best-selling book Find Your People. Allen encourages us to “find your people” and “build deep community in a lonely world.” I agree wholeheartedly with Allen’s title, but I disagree with her on the best way to do that.
In 1987 my husband Bruce and I moved our family from the small town of Sylacauga (population 12,000) to Birmingham. Bruce had taken an assistant coach’s position at a local high school, and I had accepted a part time pharmacist’s job at a large hospital in downtown Birmingham. I was unexpectedly pregnant with our fourth child. We had also just received a difficult diagnosis- “mild mental retardation, origin unknown”- for three-year-old James Bruce, our third child.
One of our biggest priorities following our move was to find a new church home. We visited several local churches before finally deciding on Briarwood Presbyterian, a large mega-church a few miles from our home. Truthfully, for the first six months we were at Briarwood, I was content to go to the worship services and just sit.
Much of our eight years in Sylacauga had been spent worshipping at a small church with a membership of approximately 125 people. The church’s financial resources were limited as we struggled to build a new church building. The church fellowship, however, was the richest that I have ever experienced. That little church did all of the New Testament “one anothers” so well as we prayed, worshipped, studied, built, encouraged, and fellowshipped together. Church members took turns keeping the nursery, cleaning the bathrooms, and turning the lights on and off. No member was exempt from whatever needed to be done and yet I don’t remember anyone complaining about any assignment. That little church truly cultivated community by serving each other well.
After 6 months of sitting in a Briarwood pew, however, I was rested, but lonely. I began helping with the children’s choir program, met some other young moms, and eventually began helping teach in children’s Sunday School and VBS. Bruce and I taught children’s Sunday School for twelve years. Teaching children’s SS was good preparation for eventually teaching women’s Bible studies. I found my people by serving and teaching.
Eventually Bruce wanted us to plug back into an adult congregational community. By now, our 2500-member church had grown to over 4000 members. There were more people in our adult SS community than had been in our entire church in Sylacauga. How were we supposed to cultivate community and develop relationships in such a large group? Small care groups turned out to be the answer. We eventually settled in a class correctly named “Heart & Homes” and were blessed with great teaching from God’s word and life-long friendships. Our Hearts & Homes class, much like our church in Sylacauga, had many opportunities to serve, pray, and love one another well. We rejoiced when others rejoiced with graduations, marriages, and grandchildren. We wept when others wept with prodigal children, difficult diagnoses, and James Bruce’s death. These are my people.
The Flower Guild was an unexpected community find. I had no experience with flowers except to admire them. But 16 years ago, I saw an announcement in our church bulletin that invited interested women to attend a flower guild workshop. I overcame my initial fear and insecurity, attended the workshop, and met a whole host of talented women that I probably would have missed otherwise. Instead of teaching, I was the student, grateful for those who were willing to share their expertise. I found my people in the Flower Guild as I learned and served alongside those willing to steward their time and talents with me. More than flowers, I learned about stewardship, service, and community.
I also found my people in our Women’s Ministry, Special Connections, the Big Oak Ranch Auxiliary, and the Vestavia Hills school and athletic communities. Each group provided me with opportunities to serve, lessons to learn, and people with whom I could grow and love.
Several young couples in my life are currently looking for new home churches following recent moves. I encourage them to look for a WELL church and a place where they can serve and grow. Dr. Harry Reeder defines a WELL church as one who:
Worships God
Evangelizes
Loves
Learns
At James Bruce’s memorial service, our sanctuary was filled with hundreds of people who came to celebrate his life. Looking out over the congregation as I delivered his eulogy, I remember thinking, “These are my people.” I thanked God for each person before thanking him for not letting me remain in my 1987 lonely pew.
God made us for relationship, both with him and with others. What are you doing to find your people, not virtually, but physically? Who can you love and serve today? Who needs your prayers, your phone call, or your word of encouragement or affirmation?
There’s nothing wrong with buying a fire pit and making s’mores, but true community is built as we love God and serve others.