Eldercare: Five Triggers of Discouragement
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:5 (NIV)
I haven't been a very good writer this week. I also haven't been a very good friend. But I've tried to be a good daughter and an even better grandmother. Mama fell twice on Tuesday. The first phone call came about 1 PM while I was work. I quickly left work and drove to Mama's assisted living center. She didn't seem hurt physically, but Mama and the staff were both upset about the incident. I stayed about three hours and came home to pack a bag so I could spend the night. By the time I'd gotten home, another call came. Mama had fallen again. I finished packing, grabbed a half sandwich for supper, and hurried back to the center to spend the night. I wound up spending the next 46 hours there with Mama.
She seemed fine neurologically, but Mama was definitely dragging her left leg. We went through all of the signs for stroke: Her face wasn't drawn (F); She could raise her arms straight out (A); Mama could smile (S) and She could talk (T). Other than the physical pain and dragging her left leg a bit, she seemed OK. By now it was 530 PM, the urgent care would close at 6PM and I didn't relish spending the night in a hospital emergency room. The nurses had checked her blood pressure and blood sugar levels. Both were fine. We made an appointment with her regular doctor for Wednesday morning and settled in for the night.
It was a long night. I wasn't surprised at the every 3 hour bathroom breaks, a complication of Mama's diabetes. But the pain management, Mama's fear and emotional distress, and train whistles made any sleep almost impossible. Plus I kept worrying about work and an important 8AM contract meeting. By far, however, the worst part of the night for me at least, was the train whistles. My Daddy worked on the railroad for 34 years. I absolutely can't hear a whistle or see a train without remembering Daddy. And the day we put him in an ambulance to take him on his last ride to the hospital, he wouldn't leave without saying, "Promise me you'll take care of Mama." Daddy loved his children, but Mama was always his main priority. Daddy knew he was dying, but his focus was still on taking care of Mama.
Throughout the night it seemed like I heard train whistles- loud and long- every 15 minutes. And each time, I'd whisper, "I'm trying, Daddy." At times, Mama seemed close to despair. I'd just spoken last week about the triggers to discouragement: fear, fatigue, frustration, failure, and loss of focus. God was giving me a test in the school of discouragement. It's one thing to recognize the triggers, but quite another to overcome them. The fatigue factor was definitely in play as was the fear of not knowing whether or not this was our new "normal." The sleep interruption and every 3 hour bathroom trips added to my frustration level. But the lack of focus was probably the most difficult one to admit. Somehow as the night wore on, I focused more on me, less on Mama, and even less on God.
Going to work and leaving Mama was out of the question. At 6 AM I made a phone call to ask someone else to attend the meeting. I also got a text from my boss that read:
"Remember what you taught me...she did what she could and if you don't know what to do, just pray and do the next thing."
Those truths were both timely and timeless. The words encouraged and strengthened me over the next three days as I stayed with Mama, lined up sitters, kept sick grandchildren, and huddled with my siblings for next steps. Elisabeth Elliot, one of my favorite authors, once wrote, "The discipline of emotions is the training of responses."
Wherever we are today, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, we can have, by God's grace, "peace in our hearts even as we have grief in our soul." (Jane Anderson) And should we find ourselves downcast, may we like the Psalmist say, "Why am I downcast and disturbed? Put your hope in God...I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!"