Mentor, Model, Cheerleader

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
Proverbs 31:30 

I recently read an article written by a young mom who was challenging older women to come alongside younger women in mentoring relationships. Through the course of her article, the author pleaded for “gray heads” with availability and flexible schedules to serve God and His Church through mentoring relationships. 

Mentors, like cars, may come in many different shapes and sizes. There is no “one size fits all” mentor who fits everyone. But my best mentors have been those who have not only taught me, but also extended “tough love” to challenge and stretch me. The best mentors don’t provide child-care in a crisis (though they may); they don’t adjust their schedule to yours (though they may); and they don’t allow you to whine and complain about how hard your life is or indulge your many “It’s hard; I can’t do this” protests. Instead they teach, model, and cheer you on to keep moving forward in the Christian life.

I have been blessed to have several women who have invested in my life, but almost all of them wouldn’t consider themselves to be my mentor. Instead, they were friends who came alongside and taught me valuable life lessons along the way.  One of my favorite mentors died several years ago. Her heart failed her; my heart broke. 

Fifteen years ago, I finally got up enough courage to join the Flower Guild at our church. Growing up as a steelworker's daughter, there wasn't ever enough money for extras like flowers. Between union strikes, recessions, and plant layoffs, my folks concentrated paychecks for buying necessities such as housing, food, clothes, and utilities. Sunday after Sunday, I would sit in my pew or walk through our church foyer and wish that I could somehow learn to craft such magnificent floral creations.

One Sunday morning, I saw an announcement in the church bulletin that stated the Guild membership was open and interested women should contact a certain name and number. Additionally, the Guild was hosting a free floral design workshop for potential new members. It was totally out of my comfort zone to even attend the workshop, because I knew absolutely nothing about flowers, containers, or design techniques. Still, the desire to learn eventually conquered my insecurity and fear.

The floral workshop hooked me from the beginning. It wasn't just the beautiful flowers themselves. Some of it was the friendship, camaraderie, teamwork, and fellowship of the women who crafted the arrangements. Even after I explained that I knew nothing about flowers, the women were very gracious and replied, "We'll teach you." The Guild leader assured me that there were lots of different jobs required: getting the flowers from the wholesale florist, cutting greenery, conditioning and storing the flowers, wiring roses, etc. Tentatively, I decided to try it, if nothing else to get me out of my comfort zone. 

One of my first assignments was to help the Guild with Christmas decorations for our church's annual "Christmas at the Caroline House" outreach event. I took a day's vacation from my hospital job and reported for decorating duty. I didn't realize that the other Guild members were down at the church flower room making bud vases for sick and shut in members. The Caroline House was a beehive of activity with flowers, greenery, ribbon, and designers in every nook and cranny. Unfortunately, I didn't know anyone there or what to do to help. I felt like a fish out of water.

All of a sudden, a woman sitting on the Caroline House living room floor, asked me sharply, "Who are you? What are you doing here? and Where is your leader?"

Startled by her abrupt demeanor and pointed questions, I told her my name and explained that I was a new Guild member reporting for my first assignment.

 "I'm not sure where my leader is or what I'm supposed to be doing." I admitted truthfully.

"Well, take these magnolia leaves outside and spray them with this gold paint. Surely, you can do that!" Judy said.

And that was my first introduction to Judy Parker. I had no way of knowing at that point that Judy's bark was much worse than her bite! I also had no way of knowing what a good teacher she would be. Year after year, I got assigned to Judy's February flower team and each year, she upped the ante a little bit more. She kept pushing me out of my comfort zone- sending me to pick up the flowers; creating a design and then telling me to order the flowers; refusing to do for me what I could do for myself. From the beginning, Judy realized how insecure I was, but refused to allow me to use that for an excuse. She would hand me a rose and tell me to put it in the oasis. Protesting, I'd say, "I can't! I don't know what to do! What if I mess it up?"

Judy could have done in 10 minutes what it took the rest of us two hours to do, but she kept teaching, prodding, and plodding- determined to bring us along in her creative process. Judy once compared my reluctance at placing the flowers to sitting on the side of the pool, reminding me that I'd never learn to swim if I failed to get in the water. Over time, my confidence and craftsmanship improved and Judy's attitude softened.

One year Judy began attending my Wednesday night women's Bible study. One night after class she told me, "You're a much better Bible teacher than you ever will be a flower arranger!" It was the highest complement Judy could have given me. Along the way, we became friends and developed a mutual respect for each other's skill and craftsmanship. It turns out that mentoring is a two way street. I realized that when Judy lay dying in my hospital’s ICU and called to ask me to come and pray with her. It was my privilege and honor to do so.

Six pastors officiated Judy’s funeral. One of them reminded us that Judy, a former cheerleader at the University of Alabama, never quit cheering people on. She was a great encourager and mentor. Judy worked at training others to bring creation's beauty into our lives. Her skill and craftsmanship touched, not only our church, but the community and even our nation. The highlight of her design career was being chosen to decorate the Washington National Cathedral for the 54th Presidential Inaugural Prayer Service. Somehow, Judy never once mentioned the honor to me.

Lots of adjectives were used at her funeral to describe Judy's life: creative, artistic, gifted, encouraging, and merciful. But the one word that kept being repeated was faithful. Indeed, she was.

How do you want to be remembered? And what are you doing today to make that happen? Are you intentionally and relationally investing in teaching and training someone else? Are you using your God given gifts to benefit the Body of Christ and honor God? And will someone's heart break when your heart fails? 

Thank you, Judy, for investing your life in mine and challenging me to invest in others!

"Well done, good and faithful servant!" Matthew 25:21 (NIV)

Gratefully,
Donna