Remembering Mama

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:41 (NIV)

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It has been since Bruce and I married over 40 years ago. Before our marriage, my family rarely gathered for a Thanksgiving meal due to my Daddy's rotating and irregular schedule at U.S. Steel. Railroad workers could earn double and sometimes triple pay for working holidays, so Daddy usually chose to work. Mama planned our Thanksgiving meal around Daddy's work schedule, but it was just our family and never the same menu twice. The result was that I came to our marriage without any familiar Thanksgiving traditions or expectations. The only Thanksgiving tradition that I brought to our new little family was watching the annual Macy's Day Thanksgiving parade.

All of that changed when Bruce and I married. His Evans family gathered with his Mom's extended family and ate the same meal every time. Bruce's Aunt Net hosted each year and as the Findlay cousins married or birthed a child, the Findlay Thanksgiving crowd grew a little more. We had the same menu every year: turkey and dressing with gravy; sweet potato casserole; squash casserole; asparagus; fresh green beans; cranberry sauce; rolls; brownies, chocolate chip cookies and pecan pies. And if that wasn't enough, it was never a true Findlay gathering without the Findlay's famous "Mee-Maw" punch, an icy, slushy raspberry/lemonade/pineapple juice concoction that was handed down from Bruce's grandmother and the other ladies at Pratt City Presbyterian Church. The only way our menu varied was when newcomers joined us and added their own personal favorites such as macaroni and cheese or 7 layer salad. Nobody ever had to ask what to bring. Your food assignment was the same every year. The only "rule" the Findlays had was to bring a lot of the one thing you were bringing. It takes a lot of food to feed 40-50 people!

I loved the structure and tradition that came with Bruce's family Thanksgiving meal. And it wasn't just the food that I loved. It was the gathering itself, catching up on people's lives- who had married or had a baby; where people had moved for jobs or school. The kids played football in Aunt Net's front yard while the men watched football games on television. And then there was always the family group photo before everyone scattered. Those photos are now treasured and scattered around my house, reminding me not just of the food, but the people I grew to love.

Bruce and I have been privileged to host our extended family Thanksgiving meal for the last 15 years. Our crowd is much smaller, usually consisting of 25-30 people. This year is definitely different because Mama won't be here. With the exception of James Bruce, neither will any of my children or grandchildren. Each of them has other extended family meals to attend. And that is an answered prayer in itself. All of them married and settled into their own families with their own menus and traditions. 

Last week as I spent an entire morning making pans of cornbread dressing to put in my freezer, I came close to having a pity party. Thanksgiving for me isn't just about the food; it's also about family. A wave of nostalgia- and perhaps grief- flowed over me as I got Mama's well-worn cookbooks out for recipes. Mama taught me how to make dressing and oh, boy, did she love to eat it. She always preferred chicken and dressing instead of turkey. Mama made pans of dressing for countless family reunions because she said, "I can feed a crowd with a chicken!" And feed us she did. As I chopped celery and onion for the cornbread; boiled the chicken for homemade stock; mixed in sage and poultry seasoning, my heart gave thanks once again for a Mama who taught me how to cook. After Mama died, I had wondered if I would ever remember Mama the way she used to be and not the way she was at the end. Many people assured me that with time, I would eventually remember Mama the way she used to be before her memory loss.

The familiar smells that filled my kitchen last week triggered sweet memories of Mama. So did her familiar handwriting. I finally found Mama's recipe for her famous German Chocolate Cake. That cake was Mama's "go to" cake to make and take. I loved it, but I've never made it. Finding the beloved recipe brought a smile to my face and thanksgiving to my heart. I thanked God for Mama, for her life and her death; for her legacy; for the gift of family; the privilege to host; the time and resources to do so; for children who have extended families of their own; for people willing to travel and be together if only for a few hours.

My thanksgiving list extended beyond the gifts given and looked beyond to the One who gave each gift, God Himself. Thanksgiving isn't just about the food, family or tradition. It's ultimately about God and his goodness. We serve a good, good Father and a much more God. One who not only gave His Son to give us life, but who continues to give us good gifts each and every day.

Ann Voskamp writing in her book Be the Gift writes:

   Is there any word more powerful than giving?

   Thanksgiving

   Forgiving

   Care-giving

   Life-giving

   Everything that matters in living comes down to giving. (italics original to Voskamp)

As we enter this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, who needs what only you can give? Does someone need the gift of place for a meal, an overnight stay or a cup of coffee? Is there anyone who needs your forgiveness? How about someone who needs your care? How many of us know people who need the life-giving and life-changing message of the gospel of God's grace? As we make our menu lists, shopping lists, and inevitable to do lists, may all of us take a few moments and make a thanksgiving list. Beyond the list, let's look to the Giver who out of His goodness graciously gives us all things.

"Thanksgiving leads to thanksgiving." (Ann Voskamp)