The Gift of Presence
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
Most of us understand what I like to call "the Christmas Crush," the seemingly endless lists of shopping, wrapping, cooking, cleaning, and getting ready for Christmas. And while my heart readily agrees with the song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," my hands and Christmas "to do" list actually line up with the lyrics of Amy Grant's song "I Need a Silent Night!" Throw in overnight guests and a mid January wedding, out of state wedding for our youngest son, and Christmas crush escalates from crush to desperation survival mode. Yet, even in survival mode, life and death continue.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was from an older woman in our church in Sylacauga. Kathy was the ultimate gracious Southern woman, a wife and mother of four children, who had lived all over the country before finally settling in Sylacauga. Kathy and her husband Charles taught me a lot about hospitality, generosity, raising children, mentoring, and being a faithful Christian witness within the community. But the one piece of advice that remains with me word for word some 38 years later is this: "Wedding and funerals, you go!" Kathy never underestimated the "gift of presence."
Fast forward to December 15, 2017 and the middle of Christmas crush. So much to do, so little time to do it, but a co-worker's funeral was downtown on a Friday afternoon at 2 PM. My packed schedule said "No," but Kathy's words- "Weddings and funerals, you go!" rang in my head and heart. And so I went.
I arrived at Highlands Methodist Church about 30 minutes before Kathleen's funeral. The beautiful sanctuary had one of the most stunning nativity scenes that I had ever seen. The church was beautifully decorated for Christmas and candles lit the sanctuary. There weren't many people around yet and I actually wondered if I was in the right place. I found a seat and just breathed in the quiet, stillness, and peace. That oasis of calm in the middle of my chaos was worth the entire two hours I was investing. I opened Kathleen's funeral program and noted the hymns and scriptures selected. All of them were some of my personal favorites:
Immortal,Invisible, God only Wise - a tribute to God's sovereignty and wisdom in the midst of our collective grief at losing Kathleen, age 55
Be Thou My Vision - a hymn that I've selected for my own funeral
Blessed Assurance - a hymn sung almost every Sunday in my childhood Baptist church family
Toccata - as the funeral recessional- This piece was also the organ music played for my daughter's wedding recessional
Galatians 5:22-23, 25 - the fruit of the Spirit, live and keep in step with the Spirit
Philippians 4:7-8 - developing a mindset for whatever is true, right, and praiseworthy
Colossians 2:12 -the reality and hope of the resurrection both for Christ and for those who believe in Him
Romans 8:38 - Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ
1 Corinthians 13 - love never fails
Numbers 6:24-26 - my favorite benediction "the Lord bless you and keep you" and the verse I write on every wedding gift I give
I smiled at the Philippians 4:7-8 passage. I had cross-referenced the verse just that morning in my quiet time and made a note of how often I focus on those things that aren't praiseworthy. Here it was again, in a completely different setting, totally unexpected, a sacred echo in the middle of my busy day. I turned to the back page of Kathleen's memorial program and found a letter written by Kathleen in the final weeks of her palliative care treatment. Her letter was indeed focused on those things that are true, noble, and praiseworthy: faith, family, and friends. It was a letter from her heart to ours, thanking us for the love, support, encouragement, and hope shown to her over the last four years of her treatment for multiple myeloma. In her closing words, Kathleen wrote, "(This) is a time for us to focus on the joy and meaning present in our lives every day and to thank God for the assurance of an everlasting life founded on love, peace and justice...Thank you for making our journey so extraordinary."
This was a side of my co-worker that I had never known. I knew her as Kathleen, our top legal counsel. She was always calm, clear, and competent, but above all, Kathleen was kind. She actually answered her phone when I called and her two favorite words whenever I asked a question were "legally appropriate." While I might have sent her a six bulleted question, she seldom responded likewise. It was usually a clear "No" or "Legally appropriate." From her funeral, I realized how much more there was to Kathleen than calm, clear, and competent. She successfully advocated state issued IDs for the homeless; mentored students in the STAIR (start the adventure in reading program); worked in the local soup kitchen; was named 2011 Woman of the Year by Women's Exchange; adopted her husband's children and grandchildren as her own; wrote and planned her own funeral service, even closing her farewell with a challenge for us to donate platelets and check out serving opportunities within Highlands Methodist and the Southside community.
Kathleen, so word-sparing in her work emails, spoke volumes in her farewell. She didn't just select Philippians 4:7-8; she lived it. Her minister in summarizing Kathleen's life said, "She was always ready to go; celebrating life with relationships and connections; and ready to die when the time came." As I left the church sanctuary that afternoon, I realized that my gift of presence to Kathleen was, in fact, her final gift to me. Throughout the next week, Kathleen's life and God's words from Philippians challenged me to combat the Christmas crush by thinking on those things that are indeed true, noble, and right. And not just to think on them, but also to actually live them as Kathleen did.
Wherever we are today, may we all think on and live for those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, excellent, admirable and praiseworthy. Surely faith, family, and friends fall into those categories. And so does good advice: "Weddings and funerals, you go!"
Wisdom from above for living here below.
Amen and Amen,
Donna