Treasures of Darkness
“Surely He has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows.”
Isaiah 53:4 (ESV)
Most of us do everything we can to avoid the subject of grief, perhaps hoping we can avoid it all together. But the fact is that all of us if we live long enough will have to deal with grief sooner or later. Grief may come through a variety of different circumstances: divorce and the resulting death of a marriage; infertility and multiple miscarriages; singleness for those who long to be married; job loss; financial setbacks; catastrophic illness; prodigal children; or the death of a parent, spouse, or child. No matter the cause, grief always involves loss and suffering. Grief is the high price of love.
Much like labor and parenting, grief is also a process that has its own steep learning curve. As a special needs parent, I had 38-years of experience with Chronic Sorrow, but nothing prepared me for the profound grief that followed our son James Bruce’s death in February 2022.
But there has also been much God-given joy in the midst of our grief. In his excellent book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, author Tim Keller says that “thinking and thanking” are two essential disciplines for enduring pain, suffering, loss, and grief.
“Thanking” proved to be easier for me than “thinking,” at least initially. Grief fog is very real. My thinking was muddled for days. Gratitude, however, came almost instantly when I received the news of James Bruce’s sudden death. I wasn’t grateful for his death of course, but I was so very grateful for the gift of his life and the privilege of being his Mama. I was also grateful for my husband Bruce, our family, and James Bruce’s 11 months of residential life at Rainbow Omega, a Christian group home for adults with intellectual disabilities. As word of James Bruce’s death spread quickly, I was also grateful for the many people who came alongside us with their Gift of Presence.
The last fifteen months have certainly been difficult, but there have been many God-given treasures of our darkness (Isaiah 45:3) along the way. Treasures of darkness are those hard truths that God teaches us in our suffering, grief, pain, and loss that are seldom learned in the lighter, easier seasons of life. Much like diamonds found buried deep within the earth, treasures of darkness are hidden gems that are worth fighting for and finding in the midst of our pain, grief, and suffering.
My most valuable treasure from these months of sorrow and grief, however, has been an increased assurance of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Someone once asked me what I had learned as a special needs mom. I quickly answered:
God is sovereign; (2 Samuel 7:28)
God is faithful; (1 Corinthians 1:9)
God is able (Ephesians 3:20) and
Acceptance brings peace. (Elisabeth Elliot)
Those realities are timeless truths, but Bruce and I have experienced each of them on a much deeper personal level since James Bruce’s death. We can now testify with Isabelle Fleece, author of Not by Accident, who writes, “God’s grace is always sufficient, but it’s no anesthetic for the pain. It still hurts.” Indeed, it does, but God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and He meets us at our point of greatest need. He is Immanuel, “God with us,” and He knows what it is to lose His own Son. God comforts us so that we, in turn, can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:4).
It’s been said that you don’t get over grief; you get through it; that time doesn’t heal, but it takes time to heal. I am finding both statements to be true. More importantly, however, is God’s promise: “My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). God continues to give us His grace and strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. His faithfulness is great in both our joy and sorrow; life and death. And that reality is truly a treasure of our darkness!