Triggers and Tender Mercies
“You, O Lord, have helped and comforted me.”
Psalm 86:17 (NIV)
Bruce and I continue to be amazed at how God has comforted us since James Bruce’s death. Sometimes God uses His people to provide comfort and at other times He uses His Word. Regardless of the instrument He chooses to use, God IS the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3).
Overall Bruce and I are slowly adjusting to life without our beloved James Bruce. Some days are easier than others, but last Tuesday was a really hard day. I began packing up James Bruce’s clothes, cleaning out his closet, and sorting through his CD and DVD collections. I put on some YouTube praise music that included Jenn Johnson’s Goodness of God, Maverick City’s Promises, and Kristene DeMarco’s It is Well, turned up the volume, and began my difficult task. Focusing on the truths of God’s goodness and faithfulness brought comfort to my soul as I filled the boxes.
Sometime Tuesday afternoon Bruce came home and told me a package had just arrived. Neither one of us was expecting anything, but we both caught our breaths as I opened it. Inside the envelope was a carefully wrapped watercolor portrait of James Bruce. Someone in our church had used James Bruce’s obituary photo to paint and mat the beautiful portrait. The tears that I had so carefully avoided all day suddenly flowed freely.
“She nailed his eyes,” Bruce said softly. Indeed, she did.
More than that, however, Barrie nailed me with her written words, “What a blessing he was! I pray this picture will bring back the sweetest memories daily of your boy who was a mighty man of God. We will never forget him.”
I had never before considered James Bruce to be a mighty man of God, but the words from 1 Samuel 16:7 suddenly came to my mind and heart: “The LORD does not look at things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” What did God see when He looked at my James Bruce’s heart? Did He also see a mighty man of God?
Throughout the week, however, there were also a few grief triggers that caught me off guard. Finding James Bruce’s non-driver’s license and insurance cards in my wallet made me realize that I don’t need those anymore. Receiving a Rainbow Omega’s caregiver email update reminded me that I no longer need that either. Our 14-hour power outage that we encountered with last week’s storm brought the realization that I can now freely burn candles whenever I want. But the biggest grief trigger occurred Sunday night when Bruce and I were keeping our three granddaughters. We put 3-year old Mary Clayton to bed and then had some quality time with Julia (10) and Caroline (8). After nightly prayers, we talked about their day. Then Julia tentatively asked, “Mia, can we talk about heaven?”
I caught my breath, prayed a quick “Lord, help!” (Matthew 15:25) dart prayer before saying “Of course.” Both little girls had questions about streets of gold and such, but the main question on their minds was this: If James Bruce went to sleep, had a seizure, and then died, did he go straight to heaven or did he have to wait any time at all?
“No, Julia, Brucie didn’t wait any time at all. The Bible says that for all who are in Christ, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. (2 Corinthians 5:8) When Brucie took his last breath on earth, his next breath was in heaven,” I answered.
That conversation allowed us to assure the girls that in Christ we have the:
Hope of God’s Word
Hope of salvation
Hope of God’s promises
Hope of heaven
Hope of the resurrection
That conversation with our grandgirls was a God-given tender mercy. Tender mercies are those moments when God meets us in the ordinary and makes the moment extraordinary. In that moment Bruce and I had the opportunity to affirm the truths we know to be true and pass them on to the next generation. The effective transfer of truth one generation to the next is always best done at the heart level nurtured in every day relationships. In that moment we were able to reassure Julia and Caroline that all who are in Christ have the living hope of heaven, the resurrection, and eternal life (1 Peter 1:3).
Author Tim Challies writing just days after the unexpected death of his only son offered wise counsel when he wrote, “Learn your doctrine in peacetime so you can deploy it in war. When you know who God is, you can trust him for what he does.”
Bruce and I are learning that grief is a process, but God’s grace is sufficient for our needs. Much like manna in the wilderness, His mercies are new each morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Grace upon grace, great is His faithfulness!