Expectations, Disappointment, & Discouragement
“We do not lose heart.”
2 Corinthians 4:1 (NIV)
I’ve met several young women for coffee during the last few weeks. Their circumstances have been very different, but their problem was pretty much been the same. They expected to receive one outcome, but actually received something quite different. Whether it was infertility, singleness, special needs parenting, finding the “perfect” church, or experiencing an unexpected injury that curtailed a once promising athletic career, their questions were almost identical: “Why?” and “How do I get through this?”
Biblically we are never defined by our circumstances, relationships, or behavior. We are always defined by our heart. Dr. Henry Brandt nailed it when he wrote, "The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart!" Apart from God's grace, the following three statements are true for all of us.
Self is my center.
Personal need is my focus.
Personal happiness is my goal.
Paul David Tripp, writing in his classic book Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer, says that there is always a war for control raging in our hearts. At the center of the war are our desires, many of which are God-given. There’s certainly nothing wrong with desiring marriage, having children, and finding a sound church. Desire, in and of itself is not evil, but our desires usually grow (emphasis Tripp). Desires that grow usually morph into demands which Tripp defines as a “closed fist over a desire.” Demands can then lead to a need and a need produces expectations. When our expectations aren’t realized, disappointment, conflict, and broken relationships, either vertically with God or horizontally with man, are the usual result.
In 1 Kings 18, the prophet Elijah had a God-given desire for the people of Israel to forsake their pagan idolatry and return to worship the one living and true God. Elijah staged a large spiritual showdown with 850 pagan prophets. God showed up dramatically by consuming Elijah’s sacrifice with a great fire. Elijah experienced a huge spiritual victory and expected a great revival to break out in Israel. When that didn’t happen, his expectations weren’t met and Elijah quickly spiraled into disappointment, discouragement, and finally despair. Less than 24 hours after his impressive spiritual victory, Elijah is on the run for his life and desperately begging God to just let him die (1 Kings 19:4).
From Elijah’s experience in 1 Kings 19, we can identify five triggers for discouragement: fear (19:3), fatigue (19:7), failure (19:14), frustration (19:4), and loss of focus (19:10). But God never leaves us on our own and has given us His Word and Spirit as antidotes to disappointment, discouragement, and despair. We need to:
Choose faith not fear, remembering that God is always good, and we are always loved. (Psalm 119:68)
Avoid running on fumes making sure our physical, emotional, & spiritual needs are met. (1 Kings 19:5,6)
Maintain our focus by taking every thought captive to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Go back again and again to what we know to be true.
Pray, trusting that the Holy Spirit knows what to pray for even when we don’t (Romans 8:26-27).
Fight for joy by giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
All good football coaches will tell you that the best defense is a good offense. That principle is also true when it comes to overcoming disappointment, discouragement, and despair. Paul David Tripp writes again, "Holding onto God's grace and glory is the only way to deal with the disappointment and loss that is such a part of life.”
"Do not lose heart" is both a command from God and a choice we can make. Jesus’ words spoken to his disciples just before his own arrest and crucifixion are as true today as they were 2000 years ago, “Take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
Wherever we are today, may we each hold our desires and expectations loosely; take heart; choose faith over fear; and be encouraged.