Grief, Gratitude, and Goodness

“The Lord has heard my weeping.”
Psalm 6:8 (NIV)

I’ve had almost 2 weeks to reflect on James Bruce’s memorial service and the one word that keeps coming to my mind and heart is “grateful.” So many people from all walks of life came to celebrate James Bruce’s life, mourn his death, and comfort us in our grief. We are so very grateful for:

  • Bruce’s former Auburn football teammates

  • Athletics staffs, both past and present, from Vestavia Hills and Mountain Brook High Schools;

  • Former players and their parents

  • Fellow church members

  • Special Connections families

  • Women from my Bible studies

  • Community and local civic leaders

  • Former neighbors and work colleagues

  • Our extended families

  • My Flower Guild buddies and

  • Our beloved Hearts and Homes Sunday School community.

They all showed up with the gift of their presence. I am so grateful for the gift of community, that reciprocal rootedness, that binds us together in both life and death. I am also grateful that we did not grieve alone as did so many during the Covid pandemic when gatherings were prohibited. I am grateful for the gift of place and the Church who provided it at our point of greatest need. I am also grateful for our pastoral staff who guided us through the entire funeral process. I am grateful for the AV folks who located and provided the 1995 Ministry highlight video of James Bruce singing Amazing Grace all by himself when he was eleven years old. I’m grateful for the women who artfully and skillfully arranged James Bruce’s beautiful memorial flowers. They reminded me that spring, Easter, and the hope of the resurrection are coming.

Beyond the gift of presence, place and pastors, there was also the gift of prayer. The day of James Bruce’s funeral, the weather forecast predicted 100% rain and the possibility of severe storms or tornadoes. I honestly didn’t think I could bear burying James Bruce in a rainstorm. People prayed and God in His mercy allowed us to have his graveside service with even a couple of rays of sunshine. The severe weather never showed up either. We were able to get through his afternoon memorial service and make it home before the first rain drops began. People prayed.

How can I possibly say “thank you” for all of God’s provision? We have been showered with meals, flowers, cards, paper goods, memorial gifts, and things we didn’t even realize we needed. My ice maker quit, and someone bought us a portable ice maker. One former player’s mom brought me to tears when I opened the front door and found her replacing the ferns on my front porch. When I asked her what in the world she was doing, Melinda, with tears running down her cheeks said, “Your ferns were frozen, and you needed new ones.” She then hugged me and said, “I will never be able to repay you for what Coach Evans did for my son in the 9th grade.”  I had no idea what she was talking about until she explained that Bruce had told James Bruce’s story to his 9th grade football players years ago. Melinda’s son came home from school that day and cried. None of us had any way of knowing that conversation was the beginning of God’s preparation for Riley’s special needs parenting journey with his own son.

My ten-year old granddaughter climbed up in my bed the other day and snuggled up close before asking, “Mia, do you think it’s just circumstance that Uncle Daniel and Aunt Olivia were already scheduled to be here before Brucie died?”

“What do you think Julia?” I responded as I gently stroked her hair.

Julia looked up before quietly answering, “God.”

“That’s right. We call that God’s providence. God knew our need before we did.”

 I am grateful for God’s providence. By His grace, Daniel  (James Bruce’s youngest brother) and Olivia were indeed already scheduled to be in Birmingham for a job interview. We didn’t have to scramble for expensive flights from New York to Birmingham; they were already booked.

By God’s providence, I had been studying John’s gospel since April, teaching it in weekly Bible studies since September, and focusing on John 16 the morning James Bruce died.  Looking back at my journal notes from that morning, I had written:

  • A coming separation

  • Confusion before clarity

  • Grief to joy

Only later did I realize that God was using His word to prepare me for my son’s death. I am grateful for God’s Word and the comfort of His Holy Spirit. I am also grateful for a Savior who faced his own separation from His Father, confusion before clarity (Matthew 27:46), and grief turned to joy when He went to the cross and died to pay the penalty of my sin. We have a Savior who has been through the same experience and understands our grief and pain (Hebrews 4:15). 

But most of all I am grateful for the privilege of being James Bruce’s Mama. He taught us, me especially, so much. God in His goodness gave us the gift of James Bruce and God in His goodness called him home on February 12. Laura Black’s last words to me from 2012 have echoed in my heart over the past two weeks: “Donna, no matter what happens, God is always good, and we are always loved.”

Beyond our grief, there is gratitude, grace, God’s goodness and joy.
“Oh taste and see that the Lord is good.” Psalm 34:8

griefDonna EvansGratitude, God, God's Goodness