Life Goes On
“We do not…grieve as the rest
of the world who have no hope.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (NIV)
In 1991 Bruce and I were asked by our church leadership to share a three-minute testimony on our special needs parenting journey with James Bruce. He was seven years old at the time. Our goal was to garner some interest in our fledgling Special Connections ministry, increase our congregation’s awareness of the need, and hopefully recruit some volunteers to come alongside special needs families.
At that time there was also a popular weekly television series, Life Goes On, that followed the life of an American family whose middle child was a teenager with Down Syndrome. I began our testimony by referencing the Life Goes On series and saying, “Bruce and I are living proof that life does indeed go on after the birth of a special needs child, but it isn’t easy, and it isn’t television.”
What was true with James Bruce’s life is just as true with his death. In retrospect, I wish I had added the phrase, “and it’s never the same.” The 25 days since James Bruce’s death have been filled with life going on. Bruce and I are slowly moving ahead with our “new normal.” But again, it isn’t easy; it isn’t television; and it won’t ever be the same. Truthfully, our old normal was anything but normal, yet it was our normal for 38 years.
Most days are a strange mixture of grief, sadness, and joy. We grieve the loss of our beloved James Bruce, while celebrating the impact of his life, and rejoicing in our hope of heaven and the resurrection (Colossians 1:5, Acts 23:6). We feel the hole in our souls and mourn the empty seat at our table, while rejoicing in James Bruce’s seat at God’s table. (Rev.19:9) I still can’t listen to Amy Grant’s music and I teared up at the sight of Pop Tarts and Easter candy in Walmart yesterday. Who knew that Pop Tarts would be a grief trigger?
But life goes on.
Last week I was privileged to speak at the annual Big Oak Ranch Mom’s weekend retreat. It is absolutely my favorite speaking event each year. Our 2022 retreat theme was “Lessons from the Upper Room,” a study of John 13-17. If ever I needed to be reminded of “Let not your heart be troubled” (John 14:1a), it was now. Other truths from this passage included:
Trust in God; trust also in me. (John 14:1b)
In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you (John 14:2)
I go to prepare a place for you (John 14:2)
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27)
God’s Word brought great comfort as we worked our way through the text. But so did God’s people. The Big Oak Ranch (BOR) Moms brought me a wonderful comfort care gift bag filled with a warm Big Oak blanket, stoneware BOR mug, and a newly released BOR cookbook. Only God knew up until that moment that I read cookbooks like some people read novels. Comfort also came in the form of Melissa Gunnell’s hospitality; the BOR Auxiliary members fabulous food; and the grace and space to rest in between teaching sessions. Throughout the weekend comfort came with hugs, tears, and a lot of much needed laughter.
Life went on this week as Bruce and I took some much-needed time to rest at the beach for a few days. The ocean and stunning sunsets always remind me of the bigness, power, majesty and glory of God.
Life also goes on for the rest of our family. Our daughter Meredith and her husband Clay are busy with the care of their three children. Robert and Anne are quickly settling into their new roles within the Vestavia Hills High School family. Daniel and Olivia are making plans for their upcoming summer move from New York to Birmingham. Olivia has accepted a teaching job at Samford University. They are coming home!
Life goes on as I write dozens of thank you notes and reflect on the generosity and kindness of God’s people. Many folks have said, “No need to write a note.” But I truly believe that each note is a part of the grief healing process as I reflect on God’s goodness, the gifts of His Word and Spirit, and the presence of His people in our hour of greatest need.
Finally, life goes on for James Bruce too. All those who are in Christ are promised eternal life (John 17:2). We thank God for both James Bruce’s earthly and eternal life. Because Christ lives, we do too! (1 Peter 1:3)