Mentoring: A Two-Way Street
“We will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord.”
Psalm 78:4 (NIV)
Pick up any current article regarding Women’s Ministry and the chances are pretty good that mentoring relationships will be addressed. I recently read an article written by a young mom who pleaded for “gray heads” with availability and flexible schedules to serve God and His Church through mentoring relationships.
Mentors, like cars, may come in many different shapes and sizes. There is no “one size fits all” mentor who fits everyone. But my best mentors have been those who have not only taught me, but also extended tough love to challenge and stretch me. The best mentors don’t provide child-care in a crisis (though they may); they don’t adjust their schedule to yours (though they may); and they don’t allow you to whine and complain or indulge your many “It’s hard; I can’t do this!” protests. Instead they teach, model, and cheer you on to keep moving forward in the Christian life.
I have been blessed with several women who have invested in my life, but almost all of them wouldn’t consider themselves to be my mentor. Instead, they were friends who came alongside and taught me valuable life skills and lessons along the way. One of my favorite mentors died several years ago. Her heart failed her; my heart broke.
About twenty years ago our church’s Flower Guild ministry hosted a free floral design workshop for potential new members. I knew absolutely nothing about flowers, containers, or design techniques, but my desire to learn eventually conquered my insecurity and fear.
That floral workshop hooked me from the beginning. The flowers were beautiful, of course, but not nearly as enticing as the friendship, camaraderie, teamwork, and community exhibited by the women who crafted the stunning arrangements. When I explained my lack of knowledge, the women simply replied, "We'll teach you."
My first Flower Guild mentor was a no-nonsense floral designer who intimidated me with her abrupt manner. It took me a while to realize that Judy’s bark was much worse than her bite, but oh what a good teacher she was! Year after year I was assigned to Judy's flower team and each year, she upped the ante a little bit more. She kept pushing me- first sending me to simply pick up our flowers from the wholesaler; then creating a design and telling me to place the order; and finally putting me in charge of the arrangement. Judy always refused to do for me what I could do for myself. From the beginning, she recognized my insecurity, but Judy refused to allow me to use that for an excuse. She would hand me a rose or a lily and instruct me to put it in the oasis. Protesting I'd say, "I can't! What if I mess it up?"
“Cut and stick!” Judy barked.
She could have done in ten minutes what it took the rest of us two hours to do, but Judy kept teaching, prodding, and plodding- determined to bring us along in her creative process. She once compared my reluctance for actually placing the flowers to sitting on the side of the pool, reminding me that I'd never learn to swim if I failed to get in the water. Over time, my confidence and craftsmanship improved and Judy's attitude softened.
Later Judy began attending my Wednesday night women's Bible study. After class one night she told me, "You're a much better Bible teacher than you ever will be a flower arranger!" It was the highest complement Judy could have ever given me. Along the way, we became friends and developed a mutual respect for each other's skill and craftsmanship. It turns out that mentoring is a two-way street. I realized that when Judy lay dying in a hospital cardiac ICU and called to ask me to come and pray with her. It was my privilege and honor to do so.
I thought a lot about Judy this weekend as I arranged James Bruce’s memorial flowers and worked with a new Guild member. I reflected on how far I had come from those early days of flower arranging. Basic skills that Judy had taught me I was now passing on to my new friend. As we worked, I thanked God for Judy who mentored, modeled, and taught me skills to pass on to another generation.
Throughout Scripture, God calls us to teach what we’ve been taught. When we come alongside others to teach and train, we find ourselves also learning. Biblical mentoring is a two way street!