Tender Mercies
“God…the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort.”
2 Corinthians 1:3 (ESV)
This week has been a combined mixture of grief, relief, and angst. In many ways, it feels as if someone died. Our house is unusually quiet and uncluttered. James Bruce always had some music or movies going in some part of our house. He often had them playing in multiple rooms all at once. I no longer need the noise canceling headphones that I requested for Christmas.
James Bruce’s Dining Room Decor in Rainbow Omega House B
Following James Bruce’s move our meals are simpler; my pantry is full; laundry has decreased dramatically; and rooms once cleaned remain that way. There are no prolonged drawn out bedtimes, nightly monitors for seizures, or tip-toeing around in the early mornings hoping that James Bruce will stay asleep. All of those things are a welcome relief. This feels like a much-needed vacation after one full year of 24/7 constant pandemic caregiving. And yet, Bruce and I have both experienced a level of grief that was hard to imagine before James Bruce’s actual move to Rainbow Omega.
Our grieving process actually began the night before his move. Our 9-year old granddaughter Julia made James Bruce a card wishing him an amazing life at Rainbow Omega. When Julia handed me her card, I looked down and saw her drawing of a rainbow, a shepherd, and his crook. Her colorful rainbow reminded me of God’s first covenant (Genesis 9:15). My eyes watered when I saw her shepherd and remembered my “I myself will tend my sheep” verse (Ezekiel 34:12). Julia herself was actually a puddle of tears. I hugged her tightly before asking, “Julia, what’s wrong?”
“Why does Brucie have to move?” she asked softly through her tears. This is the same child who at age five asked me, “Why is Brucie’s brain broken?” (You can find it here.)
I glanced at my daughter who quickly answered, “Because Papa and Mia think this is the best thing for Brucie.”
Julia had no way of knowing that her, “Why does Brucie have to move?” question is one that I have asked myself (and God) thousands of times. And yet, through this long process of identifying the best option for James Bruce’s long-term residential placement; applying for one of the two available Rainbow Omega slots; experiencing multiple stops and delays over the last two years, Bruce and I have seen God’s leading for each next step. And it has led us to this place. Along the way we’ve also seen many of God’s tender mercies.
Prior to James Bruce’s move, one of our biggest concerns was, “What do we do if his Rainbow Omega slot becomes available before the Covid pandemic is over?” James Bruce has never handled upper respiratory infections very well and how he would ever handle the Covid virus? Bruce and I both prayed and agreed, however, that if James Bruce’s RO slot opened up, we were going to take it and trust God with whatever happened. By God’s grace, James Bruce received his two Covid vaccines prior to his RO move. All of the Rainbow Omega staff and residents are now also fully vaccinated which decreases the infection risk for everyone.
We’ve also experienced God’s comfort and tender mercies in the following ways:
An excellent case manager with the Alabama Mental Health Department who, though not assigned to James Bruce’s case, took it on and personally expedited his paperwork, waivers, approvals, etc. in order to make sure that all services were in place prior to his move.
Cards, notes, emails and phone calls from many of you letting us know you are praying for us.
A dear friend left us a pound cake, a Costa’s gift card, and a beautiful blue hydrangea at our front door. Pound cake is my favorite comfort food. Costa’s is my “go to” take-out food and blue hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. Each gift is a God-given tender mercy.
One of the young moms from my Thursday morning Bible study brought me a “clinging cross,” a small pocket size cross that I can keep in my pocket. I have found myself literally clinging to the cross in more ways than I can count this week.
Progress report calls from RO staff informing us of James Bruce’s progress in the employment center and adjustments to his housemates. Overall things have been encouraging, but James Bruce still doesn’t understand that this isn’t camp. Each night he says, “Tomorrow I go home.” Thus our angst and uncertainty. Will his homesickness or fear affect his behavior and possibly risk his placement? More angst, uncertainty, and an opportunity to trust God.
One morning this week, God once again used Julia’s sweet rainbow card to remind me of His tender Shepherd care and His “I myself will tend my sheep” (Ezekiel 34:15) promise. I suddenly realized that those words are not just God’s promise to tend James Bruce. They are also His promise to tend me! When doubts, fears, and anxieties rise within, my prayer is simply, “Lord, tend your sheep.”
Please know how grateful Bruce and I are for your prayers on our behalf. Each one is a God-given tender mercy. The Apostle Paul said it best when he wrote, “You help us by your prayers” (2 Corinthians 1:11). Indeed you do!
Gratefully,
Donna