Who Is In Control?
“I myself will tend my sheep.”
Ezekiel 34:15
God and I have had a long running battle over who is really in control of my life. My head knows the right answer, but my fickle heart kicks against the goads and keeps trying to regain control. Those who know me well, know that I am a control freak. I don’t like surprises. I like lists and lots of them. I prefer spreadsheets, project plans, goals, and I especially love marking things off my lists. I’m also impatient and not very good at waiting.
God truly knew what He was doing when He gave us James Bruce. It has been a 37-year extended course in God’s classroom reminding me that I am definitely not in control. But I am a slow and impatient student. There are still lessons to be learned.
A few days ago, James Bruce and I were on our way to Target to pick up a few more items for his new room at Rainbow Omega. He was sitting in the back seat on the passenger side while I was driving. (Think Driving Miss Daisy!) All of a sudden he started singing a song that used to be one of his favorites. James Bruce has always loved music, especially hymns and Christian songs, but in the 1990s his favorite recording artist was Twila Paris. He eventually moved on to Sandi Patty and Amy Grant and he now prefers Lauren Daigle and Carrie Underwood. Notice the pattern: they are all pretty girls! Some things are more normal than not.
Anyway, out of the blue, James Bruce began singing these words:
God is in control
We believe that his children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember
And never be shaken
There is no power above or beside him we know
God is in control.
But James Bruce didn’t stop there. Instead he continued:
He will never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is watching over you and me.
Watching over you. Watching over me.
Every little sparrow, every little thing.
It was no accident that James Bruce was singing God Is In Control at this moment for this season of our life change.
Early yesterday morning before we began moving his furniture to Rainbow Omega, my heart was anxious, churning and burning. Questions kept crowding my mind and heart:
”What if he cries at night?”
”What if he gets sick?”
”What if he is lonely?”
”What if he gets hurt?”
”What if he has a seizure?”
”What if, what if, what if…?”
While reading through a New Testament passage, I cross-referenced a verse from the book of Ezekiel and unexpectedly found these words: “I myself will tend my sheep.” (Ezekiel 35:15). I backed up a couple of verses and read: “As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep.” (Ezekiel 34:12)
Reading the verses again, I realized that God, the great “I AM, ” promises,“I will.” I will shepherd James Bruce; I will tend James Bruce; I will comfort and care for James Bruce when he is sick, lonely, or scared. Shepherding James Bruce is God’s responsibility and not mine.
Throughout the day as Bruce and I moved and assembled furniture, met Rainbow Omega staff, and acclimated James Bruce to his new surroundings, God’s words “I myself will tend my sheep” kept returning to my anxious heart. And each time God’s words, “I will look after my sheep,” brought me comfort and peace.
On our return trip home a Jane Anderson quote came to my mind. Reflecting on her sorrow associated with a rebellious child’s poor choices, Jane said, “I am a living testimony that you can absolutely have peace in your heart and grief in your soul at the same time.” By God’s grace, we can too.
God IS in control and it is well with my soul. We covet your prayers on Thursday as we complete this move and James Bruce begins his new life at Rainbow Omega.