Loaves and Fishes
"How many loaves do you have?"
Mark 6:38 (NIV)
Yesterday morning I was privileged to speak to the Big Oak Ranch Auxiliary, a group of women who are actively involved in supporting the children and house parents of the Big Oak Ranch. Next month I'll be teaching at a Big Oak Ranch house mom's retreat and the Auxiliary leadership team asked me to share some of our James Bruce parenting journey and a little bit about the house mom's retreats.
Our personal special needs journey with James Bruce began when I realized something was really wrong with him at age 2 months. His mild mental retardation diagnosis, origin unknown, came at age 3. His genetics anomaly was discovered at age 5. Autism became his primary diagnosis at age 9; and his seizures started at age 18. My personal struggle with grief, fear, anger, and anxiety accompanied each diagnosis. But most of all, I shared how much my husband Bruce challenged me when James Bruce was 5 years old to quit praying that God would make James Bruce 'normal' and start praying that God would use him for God's glory." That challenge literally changed, not just my perspective, but also my life. At first, my prayers were really more God challenges as in "How is God ever going to use THIS?" Through the years my prayers have moved from petition to praise (and often back to petition again!) as God continues to use JB in some amazing ways. Here are just a few of "our stories for God's glory:"
When James Bruce was 7 years old, our church had no Special Needs Ministry. There was no special needs Sunday School class; no Special Ones Vacation Bible School; no Special Needs parent support group or children's camp. Bruce and I had just spent a year teaching a four-year old children's Sunday School class so that James Bruce would have a place to go while the rest of our family attended church. One of us watched James Bruce and the other one taught 19 four year olds, of whom seventeen were boys! I made an appointment with our pastor to discuss our problem. Our church is very pro-life and yet we weren't doing anything to help teach or train special needs kids or their parents. It only took about a minute for my beloved pastor to say, "Well, we're going in!" And going in we did. We hired a Special Needs Ministry Director, designated some space for 2 classrooms, and began recruiting and training staff and volunteers. We went from no special needs ministry to Sunday School, VBS, camp, and a parent support group in just a few short months. We eventually hosted a national ministries disability conference that allowed 450 other churches to get access, information, and training to develop their own special needs ministry.
When James Bruce was in middle school, the high school special needs students were "graduating" (actually aging out at 21) from the local middle school. There were no special needs high school classes. Bruce and I helped lead the efforts to push our school system for what the federal law requires: an age appropriate education. Proverbs 31:8-9 command us to "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves...defend the rights of the poor and needy." James Bruce, along with many other special needs students, 'graduated' from our high school and there are now multiple special needs classrooms there.
After high school, James Bruce began attending his adult sheltered workshop program at United Ability (formerly UCP). These amazing folks do a remarkable job and service over 160 adults with disabilities each day Monday - Friday. Imagine our shock, amazement, and gratitude when James Bruce's high school SGA selected United Ability as their charity of choice and honored James Bruce by completing a United Ability wish list; hosting a school-wide drive to provide everything from brownie mixes to adaptive PE equipment and presenting a check to UA for $22,000! Only God could connect all those dots to honor James Bruce and bless both the high school and United Ability.
I concluded yesterday's talk with the very familiar story of Jesus feeding the 5000 hungry men using one little boy's lunch of 5 loaves and 2 fish. Jesus takes the loaves and fish, gives thanks, and then breaks them for the disciples to distribute. After everyone has eaten, the disciples gather the broken pieces and fill twelve baskets. For years, I've used John 6:12 as one of my life verses: "Gather up the pieces that nothing will be lost." But this week, reading the familiar story in Mark's gospel, I was struck afresh with Jesus' searching question to his disciples: "How many loaves do you have?" (Mark 6:38)
Jesus didn't ask the disciples, "What do you need?" Nor did he ask them, "What do you want?" He simply asked them, "What do you have?"
He still asks us that question today: What do we have that God can use? To our eyes 5 loaves and 2 fish are only one little boy's lunch. In Jesus' hands those five fish burgers were more than enough for 5000.
God chooses what He uses and Jesus is always more than enough!